Where Have I been?

Surprise, surprise...I went months without a blog post - again. What's a girl to do? My lack of motivation the past six months has been appalling. And when I say appalling I mean it in the most true and raw form that you could fathom. It's ridiculous, really, and I am beyond ready to get back on track and tidy up my mess of a life. I guess sometimes everything falls apart so you can pick up all of the pieces and put them where they actually belong, rather than having a puzzle that looks like a 2 year old put it together. Does that make sense? Well anyway I think that's what is going on. I was in such a rush to put my life together that I wasn't paying close enough attention to what pieces actually fit together and which pieces didn't go where, or didn't go in my puzzle at all. It took a few things causing my puzzle to fall apart for me to realize this, and now I am on the journey of figuring how everything is actually supposed to fit.

If none of this makes sense, here are some specifics:
-I haven't been in the Word since before spring break. Yikes. That right there is reason enough why my world has become chaotic. I still pray and I still try to have a solid relationship with The Lord, but let's be honest, am I really trying that hard if I'm not even studying His Word?
-I haven't been in a gym since before spring break. And because of that I have also stopped eating healthy. Welcome back, achy bones and muscles. Welcome back, iron deficiency anemia. Welcome back, lethargy and fatigue. I feel like crap 24/7! Seriously I don't remember the last day where I felt good all day long. Yuck.

And honestly those two things are affecting my life in some intensely negative ways. It's crazy how much more motivated I feel when I'm closer to The Lord and in the gym. (What's crazier is this wasn't the direction my blog was supposed to go at all...crazy how God chooses to speak to you through your talents sometimes).

Well guess what? I refuse to accept defeat! I refuse to sit on my booty any longer! I refuse to be the pathetic excuse of a person that I am becoming. Honestly I am nothing without my Savior and I feel it weighing in on my heart and my character more every day. But at the same time that I am sad for what has become of my life the last six months, I am also so beyond grateful. This might be the biggest trial and season of dryness I have every experienced but I can't tell you how much it has grown me and is continuing to grow me.

I have a plan of action. And that came with plenty of realizations. You might not be interested in this next bit, it's more or less for me more than anyone else, but of course I am going to include it anyway.

*Realization number 1: I was so into the gym and being fit because that's what my ex wanted me to want. I don't care about gaining tons of pounds of muscles. I don't care about lifting more than any other girl in the gym. I don't care about my thigh muscles protruding. That's what he cared about. And naturally after our relationship ended last year, so did my desire to be in the gym as much as before. Don't get me wrong I LOVE working out, I LOVE being fit. And more than anything I love how much better my body feels when I am in that gym. But the level that I was at wasn't really where I cared to be. The style of workouts wasn't really that appealing to me. But within the past few weeks I've discovered what is best for me in terms of fitness and what my body responds positively to. And that is yoga! I have been so obsessed lately with learning all that I can about it and practicing it as much as I can! It's so relaxing and refreshing and I like it ten thousand times better than any other form of fitness I have tried. I am in every way shape and form a beginner but very enthusiastic and learning and practicing yoga.
**Plan of action: Take lots of yoga classes! I have already figured out when they are during the week in my gym and have fitted them into my schedule. I couldn't be more excited about it. I've been looking up different types of yoga mats and everything. I definitely want to have my own. I am still going to be lifting weights and doing cardio, just not the way I was before.

*Realization number 2: You can't walk alone as a Christian. Especially when you are lazy. This summer has been so dry and that's because I haven't had anyone to walk with and study with. I'm sure if I would have put forth more of an effort I would have...but that's where that lazy word comes in. There have been plenty of times that I have wanted to crack open my Bible and get to it. But I didn't. Why? I was too busy lazying around. No more of that. And I 100% believe that taking better care of my body and getting healthy again will change this. I fully believe a lot of my mood change and desire change has to do with what's going on with my body internally.
**Plan of action: Obviously, eat better and get fit to change my mindset. But furthermore, I need to push forward and into Christ. I will get nowhere if His heart is not my number 1 desire. I have set aside Jesus time every day in my school schedule and I have a big list of things I want to dig into with Him. And I have text some of my favorite ladies and planned some girly Bible study Jesus time that I am SO looking forward to! No more slacking off. I can't afford to be lazy when it comes to my relationship with Him.

Yeah. So that's that for now. I am about to start my senior year of college, and I want to start it off right. I don't want to let myself down again. So pray for me, and keep me accountable. I need all of the support that I can get.

xoxo