Mother's Day

Mother's Day has never been an easy day for me. When this day rolls around, I am usually lost in sadness and "what if's." I haven't seen my mom in almost ten years. Ten years. That's a decade! Most of the people I associate with see their mothers at least twice a week, if not more. Most of my friends have close and personal relationships with their mothers and can talk about them openly and with a smile. That has never been the case for me. Talk of my mom never really leaves my lips, unless it's to tell someone why they never see her around me or why I never speak of her. The answer is simple, but the explanation is strenuous and I won't even get into it in this blog. The point of the matter is that I have spent nearly twenty years with very little encounter with my mom, and for the past ten of those years, close to no encounter. The memories I have of her are very few, and most of them are not positive. There are so many events in my life that I wish she could have been there for. There is so much I wish I could have told her, and so many nights I wish I had her arms to cry in. She has done so much in my life to hurt me and for years I held a grudge towards her, trying to forgive but never really getting that far. We have a tendency to talk for awhile very consistently, and then it becomes sporadic and we go months, maybe sometimes even years, with little or no contact. The end of last year, I severed all ties between my mom and I. I had made a conscious decision that I never wanted to speak to her again, that I wanted her out of my life forever. That changed on February 26th when I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior (for the third time in my life.) I began craving conversation with her, so I reached out. I am working so hard at forgetting everything that she put me through, and I feel that I am doing a really good job. I am ready to move on, away from the past. I want a relationship with my mom, despite any hardships we may have faced, and despite all the years we have been separated from one another. My birthday will be a decade since I have seen my mother. I don't know when I will see her again, but I pray it does happen. I hope with all my heart that we can have the mother/daughter relationship that I know we both have always wanted.
Mom, if you're reading this right now, I love you. I never stopped loving you, and I never will. And I forgive you for everything that our past contains, and I pray that you can forgive me as well. I thank God that you are back in my life and I promise I will never turn my back on you again. I promise that I will work at our relationship...hard. Thank you for accepting me back into your life and loving me even when I didn't love myself, or felt that I didn't love you. 


Lord, I just want to thank You for bringing my mom and I back together. I thank You that the past is forever gone and it does not dictate the future. God I pray You grant both my mom and I the patience to work at our relationship, and that we would never again walk away from one another and could one day reunite. No task is too big for you, God, and I have the utmost faith that I will see my mom again. Until then Lord I pray that she and I would communicate openly and even when times get rough between us, we would not lose sight of the importance of our relationship. Thank You, Father. Amen.